overdue

This is so overdue.

I was meaning to write and update this piece of something at least every week. Before I knew it, months had surreptitiously crept and I was back to square 1: Planning to write and update this piece of something at least every week…

It’s now a month and 10 days since Carlos Vicente, my pride and flesh, saw the light of day. It’s been also 2 weeks and 6 days now since I changed my religion of the past 28 years.

So many changes in a span of so little time, I think I should stop for a little while.

But I can’t.

I can’t stop even for a little while. I have to keep moving. Going on forward.

I have to keep up with expenses, tone down the wild and fast paced laid back life of being single, settle myself with my new bearings, adapt a regular church schedule (OMG…), cut down on nicotine, make sure Lisette and baby is ok, stick to beer and not with brandy, bear with the way I am being taxed by the government, and generally doing away with the sarcasm (yes it’s so hard…)

And with the way things are going now, I would say the times are not the best of times to raise a baby. Not that I don’t want to. I am sucker for kids, really I am. The trouble is that it’s really hard to fathom how a baby can live his life to the fullest with the way life is right now. i don’t say life before was ok. I am a living proof of that.

But then I did.

The miracle of the whole thing came with the realization that I can handle it. Before I was afraid of the unknown, of what the future holds.

Now I am more afraid. But the funny thing is I am taking it all in stride, and with an idiotic smirk (more resembling a scowl) to boot, plastered in my sober face.

I realized it’s not worth thinking of these things anymore, doesn’t make sense worrying about the things that will definitely come.

These thoughts sank in my head as I look outside the window being battered by winds and spraying rain. The myriad things to do knocks in my head with the future thumbing his nose smack into my face swirls in my mind as I look into the serene images of my son and Lisette in a photo.

And I feel happy.

(And still I think I didn’t do any sense either… back to the original plan…)

Thursday, August 16, 2007